I’m Sorry. I Was Tired.

Dear Dumplin,

When I was younger I used to wonder why adults always seemed so aggravated.  Now I know.  They were tired.  You had your first ear infection this past weekend and absolutely could not sleep.  You cried and wanted to lay on top of me.  This meant that I could not sleep.  Let’s be honest.  Even when I do get 7 to 8 hours of sleep, I’m still tired.  My mind is tired.  My body is tired.  Everything is tired.  I’m happy but exhausted.  When you hear someone ask a Mother what she wants for her birthday, Mother’s Day, or Christmas and she says a nap?  She’s not joking.  She really wants additional hours of uninterrupted quiet time, in a clean house, and peaceful sleep in her own bed.

I was so tired that my brain would not process normally.  You said, “Mommy can I have it water?”  I gave you juice.

You said, “Mommy can I have it water peeze?”  I gave you milk.

You said, “MOMMY WATER!”  I said “Huh?”  Then later you said, “Mommy color crayons peeze?”  I handed you a doll.  The look you gave me snapped me out of it.  It made me wonder how many other times have I been so tired that you just had to wonder what was going on?  I’m sure this won’t be the first time you will just have to give me a Mommy pass so I’m going to start now by apologizing in advance.

If I ever give you juice and milk when all you asked for was water, I’m sorry.  I was tired.

If I ever snap at you for no reason, I’m sorry.  I was tired.

If you ever have to ask me the same question ten times, I’m sorry.  I was tired.

If you tell me something over and over and I swear I have no idea what you are talking about, I’m sorry.  I was tired.

If there’s ever a time when I say “no” before you can even get your question out, I’m sorry.  I was tired.

If I ever send you to school in mismatched clothes, I’m sorry. I was tired.

If I ever send you to school and forget your supplies, I’m sorry. I was tired.

If you ever eat cereal for dinner, I’m sorry.  I was tired.

If I ever completely forget about a scheduled event, play-date, or party, I’m sorry. I was tired.

If I ever take you to school and look like an absolute hot mess, I’m sorry. I was tired.

I’m sure I will think of more things to apologize for in the future. For now,  I was just so doggone tired.

Love,

Mama