My second Mother’s Day with you passed on Sunday. It’s still odd for me to think that I am amongst the millions of women who were celebrated as opposed to previous years where I focused on acknowledging your Grandmother and the other women who have helped me throughout my life. One of my prayers for you is that you will have a wide circle of women of all ages and backgrounds to help guide you, nurture you, and support you in this journey called life.
On November 27, 2012 I checked myself into the hospital to get induced. I was petrified. All of the nurses treated me well and in hindsight, I should have done a little more research about what inducing labor entails. I was not mentally prepared. To begin, I had decided that I wanted an epidural. Because I had decided to take drugs to ease my pain, I did not take Lamaze classes. This was a huge mistake. As the pains begin to take over my body, I had no tools on how to handle them.
Secondly, the doctor induced me not with oral medication, but with a water balloon inserted into my birth canal to help it open. I was given a drug to start the contractions, but this water balloon was supposed to help me dilate. Hours went by and I started to dilate but you were simply not ready to come out. My dilation stopped at 8 cm and I needed to be at 10 in order to push. I sufferred immensely. Not only did I not know how to manage the pain, but the scheduled epidural did not take. The anesthesiologist gave me medicine, and I still felt everything. They inserted more drugs, I wimpered in pain. Finally I was told I needed a c-section. Your heart beat was becoming a concern, and they believed the long labor was beginning to cause you stress.
Off I went to get prepared for a c-section. Since I had already received an ineffective epidural, I now needed a spinal tap to ensure that I would not feel the pain of a c-section. Although I did not feel pain, I certainly felt that something was happening to my body. I felt the tugging, pushing, and pulling. I remember the nurse asking me “Do you know where you are? Do you know why you are here?” They needed to make sure I was not having an adverse effect to the loads of drugs given to me. I heard the Doctor tell your Daddy to get ready to stand up so he could see your birth. (He actually stood up too soon and still will not tell me what he saw.)
Finally, 24 hours later, out you came! You were born on November 28, 2012. You cried for a brief moment and then became quiet. The nurses cleaned you off, dressed, and swaddled you. I saw you for a brief moment before I was whisked away to the recovery room. I didn’t see you again for a few hours but I was content. I knew that you were 8 lbs 2 oz and 20 3/4 inches of pure beauty.