Dear Dumplin,
You turn three this month and it has me kind of nostalgic. I’ve changed so much since learning I was going to have you. I’ve been comparing myself to who I was then and who I am now. You’ve taught me a lot but the entire motherhood process is one long class in how to live life and keep another person alive and healthy. Here are five things becoming a Mommy taught me.
- I’m not giving up coffee anytime soon. I mean at all if ever. I just can’t see it. The funny thing is I did not start drinking coffee until well into my twenties. I didn’t understand the people who couldn’t function without it and reached for it first thing in the morning. Now, I looooovveee it. I mean I really enjoy my cup of coffee. I like the way the warm cup feels in my hand. I like the smell. I like trying new kinds of coffee. Nope, my coffee addiction isn’t going anywhere.
- I didn’t really know what patience was until now. I thought I was patient and I had absolutely NO IDEA what patience truly was. Mothers define patience. Even in the moments when a mom is yelling at her kids and losing it because not enough is getting done around the house, she is still being patient. You know why? Because even in moments of chaos, she sticks around so that her child can get what he or she needs. Lately, you’ve taken to sitting on the toilet for 30 minutes or more at a time. You’ve gone to the bathroom already, but for whatever reason, you need to sit there. You stare at the ceiling, you look in the mirror, and you sing. When I ask, “Are you finished yet?” I always get the same answer. “No, Mommy. I need to make more.” And let me tell you, when I’m watching the clock and trying to get you to school so that I can start work on time, I want to lose my mind. I want to say, “GET OFF OF THE DOGGONE TOILET!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING!!!!” But I don’t. See?? I’m patient. It’s Mommy power.
- I didn’t really know what exhaustion was until now. I really hate to hear people say that they are tired when they don’t have children. They don’t know anything about exhaustion. Whatever is causing their exhaustion (with the exception of health matters), let me say that these people really don’t know true exhaustion. I used to be one of these people and someone needed to tell me to go have a seat. Several seats. ASAP. I can remember going days without true sleep while in college, and studying through the night for final exams. I remember staying up all night to finish papers or to prepare for a presentation. Do you know what the difference is? When you submit your assignment, or take that test, you can go catch up on sleep afterwards. You can go back to your normal habits. Moms can’t do that. I don’t think I will sleep as soundly as I did before I had you for many years. Even when I sleep through the night, I’m listening for any odd sound. I’m listening in case you may be sick or need my help in the night. That won’t stop. Ever. So I’ll always be walking around in various stages of exhaustion. Only Moms can get it.
- I will flip out to protect my family. I mean flip OUT. I don’t think I’ve ever really been hot-tempered. I’m still not. But I will say I scare myself sometimes. I get calmer now when I feel like I need to protect you. I don’t get worked up. Remember here when I talked about you getting attacked by wasps? We attack bugs with a vengeance in this household now. We have no time for games. I need you to feel safe. No freaking out. No panicking. Just cool and calculated bug exterminating. You’re totally worth it!
- I can learn anything I put my mind on (and so can you). The human mind is really an amazing thing. Just when I think I don’t have any more space in my brain, my time, or my life to learn or do anything additional, I surprise myself. I never had the hair styling gene. I have an aunt that is truly gifted with her hands. She did not pass that gift down to me. I can still barely part. When I learned I was having a girl, I was on a mission to fix that. I’m still not a master stylist, and my cornrows are crooked. However, I pride myself in that I’ve found what works to maintain the health of your hair and have experienced very little breakage in the past few months. Any areas where you hair is significantly uneven, are places where your hair is growing back from you pulling it out or laying on a spot too long as a baby. I actually bought one of those doll heads just to learn how to do hair. I never even would have considered doing something like that before. More Mommy power!
I’m sure I will learn a lot more about myself as time progresses. Even with this short amount of time, it’s fun to look back and see how far I’ve come. Stay tuned!
Love,
Mama
PS – If you are reading this, tell me what motherhood has taught you! Let’s chat!